The Sentence
In Spanish, we say estoy enferma, which means
I’m sick. I may be sick of this, but I am not enferma.
I am actually more alive than ever. In English
we say we’re on a punctuation mark. But
you can’t be on something that ends a thought.
And this prompts thought. A lot. I am fifty-four
and am definitely still on it, though I can’t say I’m on it.
I can’t say Oh yeah, I got this. Can you?
By now you either know what I mean
or you don’t, which is fine, as long as if you don’t
you don’t say you do, and you never ever
tell me I’m on it. On the upside they say
it keeps my skin nice, which makes me wonder
How would I look without it? as I bathe and baste
under creams, ointments, and serums.
It’s obvious by now this isn’t the end of a sentence,
it is the sentence, a very long one, that wouldn’t be
so bad if I could live it out in my own Red Tent
filled with bonbons, red wine, and Trader Joe’s chips
(thicker, saltier, crispier than those Fritos lookalikes)
on the edge of a beach in a parallel universe
where a shaman, una bruja, would tell me
chocolate, alcohol, Trader Joe’s chips (not Fritos)
are just what you need at a time like this.
She’d also tell me, Crying when you hear Purple Rain
on the way to work is okay because your heart does
in that one second hold and bathe everyone—
your students, your boys, and all the children
you know and don’t. Maybe this sentence,
this very long sentence, allows me to travel
far and wide so I feel bubbling volcanic substances
and craggy, crumbling planets in the far-flung reaches
of the universe. For fleeting moments I know
what it’s like to be those planets. I know
what needs to be done, while I barely hold on
to my own body. If you are near me, I tell you
what we should do, what you should do, and make sure
you don’t tell me what I should do because I know—
because I’m on it. I am trying to hold dry earth
in my hands without it falling through my fingers.
Lava runs through my heart, arms, and legs.
I am holding the universe together:
I am trying to keep you with me
I am trying to keep everyone with me—